Hard decisions

As always it's been some time since I've been here.  Every now and then I still debate about doing NaNo again.  Part of me misses it, and part of me isn't sure if I'm ready to be in that place again. Three years should be long enough for me to figure out if I still want to write or not, even if I still do it just for me, and yet I can't decide one way or another.

At least I've gotten back to cross stitching.  But, the downside is that writing hasn't been a part of my life nor has reading for that matter, in the past three years.  Sometimes I feel I want to do both, or in this case all three, but the spirit just hasn't been there.  I guess as November is a few months away I'll still have time to figure out what I really want to do.  Keep thinking that I could pick up some unfinished NaNos and work on them, although I've never seen myself as a rebel before.  Not leaving it out as an option though. 

Still giving myself time.

Mortgage from hell

Waiting for a phone call, although, it may not come today, but I feel a little bit on pins and needles.  I'm hoping against hope I can get my mortgage changed from the Company From Hell to my bank.  I think I'd be so much happier and it would be in my name and not my deceased husband's name.  Not to mention the interest would be much lower.  7.5% is high, too high, and I feel like that's most of what I end up paying every month.  The total is not going down much at all and that's not a good feeling.  There's also the fact that I've not read one single good review about them, just the opposite in fact.  I've gotten to the point of I hate them so much I don't want to see their name, let alone another bill from them.  I pay it every month and on time so they can't come back on me, but my name isn't on it and that bothers me to no end.

So I want to believe I can get this changed to my bank and I can deal directly with them.  On the flip side I guess I feel that it won't happen and I'll be stuck with the Company From Hell until my dying day.  They can't even get my new house insurance policy straighten out.  My insurance agent has notified them twice now so it's another waiting game for me to see if they send yet another notice that I don't have any insurance on my house.  Idiots.  All this because one department can't talk to another department to get it right.  This makes me feel that I'm going to end up in a tangled mess of their making.  Hate the idiots!

Morning Rambling

5:28 came way too damn early yesterday morning, but the cat didn't seem to think so.  Since she wouldn't let me sleep and kept bugging me I got up.  Today I was able to sleep in and it felt sooo good.

I tried the honey and cinnamon in my coffee this morning and while it didn't taste terrible I suppose I could do it on a regular bases as I have never cared much for hot tea.  Tea or hot water is what is suggested to mix the honey and cinnamon in but I'll try my method as long as I can tolerate it and I don't have any bad side effects. At the very least I might hope for some extra energy to get more chores done.  If we had more Spring-like weather that would be a big boost too.

On the mortgage and house insurance front I guess I'll be waiting until next month's bill comes for the mortgage to see if they got their act straightened out.  Too bad large companies get too big for their britches and therefor cannot get important papers and/or information to the right departments.  Oh, wait, once you get that big departments don't talk to each other.  Stupid me for thinking they could work better, especially with email, faxing, phones, and just plain talking to each other.  And in the end it's the customers who suffer the company employees' ignorance and just plain common sense.

I would love nothing more than to be out from under the Evil Mortgage Company, but I'm not sure it's going to be that easy.  Got stung by reverse mortgage, although, that was more from the people that particular company hired.  Oh, look, once again, it's the people you have to talk to who don't get it right, or sting you for their own benefit.

Coffee and breakfast done, so should go hit the shower and get dressed before noon arrives.  I'm hoping to see some blue sky today along with a bit of sun if we're lucky.  So far all I see out my window is a grey sky.  Sigh.  Spring needs to get its butt here now!

Changes

Changing ones life is not all that easy.  I feel I've been stuck in certain places (all of my own making) but would really love to get out and move on once more.  I haven't been working on any crafts, cross stitch in particular, nor have I been writing or reading.  I do love all of these and yet I seem to have a hard time getting back to them.  After three years one would think I would still be stuck in a rut here, but I am.  I know this is only March, and we have April to get through, but then comes May and that's not an easy one for me.  I keep feeling it's going to jump up at me rather soon.  I deal, as always, with anything I get hit with in life, but losing a spouse seems to be something beyond the realm of understanding.  Every day I feel the lose, still.  Every day still has its hard moments of reality.  All too often anymore I seem to find things, games mainly, to play to allow myself to leave the world of reality behind.  Makes the days go faster I guess.

Problem with time moving faster if I don't have to think about the emptiness is that I truly don't accomplish anything and I'm getting to the point of feeling that too.  I want to accomplish some things, to say to myself, see I can do that and finish it and then sit back and enjoy the finished product.  Hell, I can't even do my blogs on a regular basis.  Sad, sad, sad.  But I never feel like I'm moping, just sliding through life with nothing to show for my time here.

Time to pull the bootstraps up and get back to the stuff I love to do.

Hair, skin and nails

I've been taking fish oil for over a year.  Now I'm adding 3 other vitamins to that one item list.  My nails have been breaking a lot in the past year and now I have a bit of hair loss.  The hair loss seems to be coming out from the same spot every time I wash it, and overall it feels and looks thinner to me.  One thing I've never complained about was having thick hair.  Loved it and don't want to lose anymore if I can help it.  So, adding some Biotin, which seems to have some pretty good reviews by others who have used it, and also vitamin C and E.  Couldn't find any A in the small store where I picked these up so will wait until I hit a larger store.

(this is my ongoing record so I know when I started these other vitamins)

Old beginning

Change of plans for Camp NaNo.  Dug around in my files today and decided I might be better off picking some novels I started long ago and have more words.  I now have 3 to work on.  The oldest isn't really calling me but it does have the most words.  The other two I might be more easy to dig into.  I'm going to try to get the oldest one finished, then decide which of the other two to get back to.  I may or may not be able to get all three finished but at least they all give me something to start with and an inkling of where I wanted to go with them.


Since the first day is drawing ever near I think this will be the best option for me at this time.  Hopefully I can come up with something new and interesting for November.

Digging Around for Camp NaNo

Checked some old stuff I had started but mostly had not written all that much.  Only one had 12k+ but all the rest a lot less.  That's okay, was interesting to look at them and see what might catch my attention enough to maybe start working on.  Of course one of the space operas won out and it's probably much newer than most of them.  That's fine too.  And, as always I have no idea where this was going and most likely didn't have much in my head when I wrote it.

I'm not sure if it's strange or not, but this was also the only one that didn't have a title.  Had to scurry around in my head to come up with something if only a working title.  Word Web to the rescue for not the first time in the years and years I've had it.  So, with a little help from that and then a quick search online I now have Hole-and-Corner in Space.  It means cloak-and-dagger, hush-hush, undercover, underground, secret, and a few more.

I may see if I can get some notes or some sort of outline worked out before next month.  Might just dig around more too and see what else I can find.  Haven't looked at the external hard drive yet, some little nugget might be hiding in there.  Who knows?